


Rejection: Found Soul Bond

by Maggiluisa



Series: REJECTION [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Depression, Erebor, M/M, Ones, Other half of soul, Pain, Rejected, Rejection, Soul Bond, Soul mate, The Quest, Will - Freeform, Wizard, bonded, fading, reject, soul crushing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 13:42:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7107319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maggiluisa/pseuds/Maggiluisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finding your soul bond was supposed to be the happiest moment of your life. Not for this hobbit.</p><p>Bilbo found his soul bond but had been rejected. Three years have passed since he saw him. Never getting a name. Now he's back in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rejection: Found Soul Bond

REJECTION 

When we two parted  
In silence and tears,  
Half broken-hearted  
To sever for years,  
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,  
Colder thy kiss;  
Truly that hour foretold  
Sorrow to this.  
-Lord Byron

 

Soul Bond

Bilbo sits in his armchair by the window, in his bedroom. It must be only an hour since he saw Him again but it feels longer. He's been looking outside, he can't see the anything but knows where every hill, smial and road are located. He wonders what the other hobbit are doing, getting ready to sleep. Are they happy with their bonded spouse? Everyone he knew, had found them as they became of age. Living happy together as they found their soul bond, feeling complete and whole. Their heart glowing with warmth and life.

It has been three years since he, Bilbo Baggins had finally found his soul bond. At first the dwarf it seems accepted him but then rejected him in a flash. He tries not to let the memory of rejection overcome him. For the past three years he's been living in as a shadow. He continued with his life as if nothing had happened. He has been numb, the pain hadn't come. He was a shadow of his former self but no one had noticed. Who would notice anything Bilbo Baggins ever did or will do. Everything was as it should be.

There had never been a recorded rejection, if there ever was, no one ever wrote it down or mentioned it. Or like him, they were ashamed, they weren't good enough to be accepted. It is unheard of, rejection. No one ever warned that it was possible. Do hobbits live from it? Losing your soul bond from death, you follow soon after. Some slowly fade, the warmth leaving them cold. While others live, if they had children to tie them down to the living; Their hearts continued to grow with warmth for them. The seeds in their heart already planted long ago.

His mother, she wasn't strong enough, her husband's death took her will to go on. Her fire burned-out with each cold breath. The love she held for her only son was not enough. She had loved her beloved Bungo too much to bare a life without him. Bilbo believed he will fade once he came out of the fog. The blacksmith, his soul bond isn't dead, he would have felt it all these years. And now after so long, he is here in Bag End. He was more aware than he has been. He can't help but remember: He can still feel the heat as he pushes him away. The warmth that sparked thru him with one single touch and kiss. He had rushed to his soul bond, overjoyed to have found him after so long of waiting. Thinking he would remain alone, an old bachelor. 

What a mistake that had been. 

§∆§∆§

Three years ago: Struck

When he first saw the dwarf, he was struck with a jolt, as if he was struck with lightning. He saw the dwarf before him had felt the same, a flicker of emotion before it was replaced by an emotionless mask. Bilbo took a step towards his soul bond, his heart was screaming for him to touch the other part of his soul. The dwarf took a step back from him, that made him stop. 

“Come back tonight.”

“I will.”

Of course this wasn't the time. The dwarf before him was busy, working in the forge. He will come back to speak with him. They had plenty of time to be together, what's a few hours more.

Bilbo had gone to get a room in the Green Dragon. He couldn't get what he needed yet. As it became night, he hurried to the forge. He was hungry but would wait for his soul bond, they could share a meal together. As soon as he saw Him, he smiled. His heart was becoming warm with each step. He told his soul bond he had rented a room and they could speak in private. The dwarf followed him to the room. Bilbo was full of hope, he would have what he's always wanted. What his parents had, a great love. He had given up hope of ever find him, thinking he was far too old.

In his excitement he didn't notice his soul bonds face. He had rushed to touch him, he felt complete with one small touch. He felt whole, this was different and the same from what others have told him. As if he had always been lost and just found his home. Warmth spread all thru him, burning his heart. He felt the spark of life grow, a blazing fire that grew with each breath. He felt his seed grew within him.

He looked into deep blue eyes, he could lose himself just by staring. Bilbo felt so alive, his heart burning with such fire. His soul bond moved his hand to his cheek, bringing his forehead down to his. Their noses touched briefly before his bonded kissed him on the lips, a feather light touch. Making him explode inside. Than he felt the dwarf pushed him away gently. Removing his hands from his arms, holding his hand up. A frown on that beautiful face.

He had felt dread, his heart raised from fear but he pushed it down. This was his soul bond all was going to be well. They were meant to be together forever. His soul bond paced the room, he was frowning, he looked furious. Had he done something? He was not what he expected but surely his other half will accept the bond. They have waited long enough to find each other. Had he not just accepted him, they kissed. He could still feel the heat and tingle on his lips. The blacksmith was muttering in his language. Bilbo didn't understand what he was saying but continued to look at the dwarf. He was handsome with raven hair, streaked with grey. A strong hawk like nose and a very muscular body. Bilbo wondered how it will feel being held against his chest. His soul bond had finally stopped pacing, looking at him with a blank expression.

“I do not accept this bond.” 

Bilbo is silent. Did he hear correctly. This could not be possible. “I don't understand. Are you rejection the bond?”

“I am.”

He couldn't believe him. His heart grew cold, the warmed evaporating rapidity. Didn't he deserve more, a blank expression for such a rejection. No emotion. “Might I ask your reasons for rejection me?” He said more calmly than he felt. He felt the cold seeping into his bones.

His soul bonds mask crumbles and all that is left is fury and disgust. “Do you think, I would be happy to be saddled with a weak hobbit as a soul bond! I tried accepting this bond as you could see but I can't!” Waving his hands to his body. “Have the Gods mocked me enough! I don't deserve to have someone like you to belong by my side!” poking him in the chest.

“Of course.” was all Bilbo could say. ‘Why would he want me.’ His vision became blurry, he couldn't see and hear all around him. As if he was under water, drowning, trying to push to the surface. The spark of life diminished into nothing. His heart grew cold, all warmth gone. Bilbo hadn't realized he sat down. He was looking out the window, not really seeing anything. He held his arms around his body, he shivered. He felt cold, the fire in his room was still ablaze. The kiss they shared was torture, a reminder of what he will never have again.

How long has it been since the dwarf had left. He didn't even get a name. Did it matter. Shouldn't he feel more pain. He just feels numb maybe he's in shock. The pain will come. His mother had felt the pain, she had felt her heart ripping into pieces as her husband's death. Belladonna Baggins died, leaving Bilbo all alone. He sits still. Trying to make sense of what had happened. He had left his home to go to Bree because he heard their was a dwarf in the forge. He had wanted to order a new copper pot and buy his cousin a set of daggers for his coming of age. But he had found his soul bond and had been rejected.

 

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

The present: Unexpected Company

His home was invaded by dwarrows, they ate all in his pantry. Causing chaos, he hadn't felt anything in these past few year but now he felt frustrated and annoyed. At least Lobelia couldn't get him to react and brake his invisible shield. These dwarrows had reminded him of someone he would rather forget. He didn't want the fading to begin, he didn't want to feel anything at all. The youngest he avoided like the plague, his resemblance was too much to stomach. 

Than it all ended, the one he wished to forget had come. Entering his home, with such grace, more beautiful than he remembered him. Finally getting a name, Thorin Oakenshield had come back into his life. Awakening him from three years of slumber, he became more aware of his surrounding. His soul bond belittling him in his own home. Rejecting him once again but much more painful, in front of others. Reminding him why he was rejected, unwanted. He was nothing compared to a King because that was his luck, he had a soul bond with a King. A King that wants nothing from him.

He was awake but didn't want to be. He fainted hoping to wake up and it was all a very bad dream. How do they expect him to burglar from a dragon. Why should he go, the mountain wasn't his home. What was the point of going, he was rejected once again, all in a few hours. He will fade, he could feel it begin. It's small, a pressure slowly crushing his heart. Warmth had been gone but now a frozen heart was left. What was he going to do. Thorin does not accept him, the bond severed; it was not broken before but now it is. Broken by a few more words. He doesn't want or need him at all. All the King sees is a weak hobbit that is no use to him. That does not belong by his side.

It must be different with dwarrows, the King does not need the bond. Thorin will continue, since he can't be so cruel to the King and reject him back. He didn't want to risk it, Thorin doesn't know what he had done to him. The King was more than he will ever be. He does not know that he has essentially lead him to his death. He will fade, his heart cold as ice. He was sure the King would not have rejected him if he knew but he couldn't tell him. He didn't want him to feel guilty or accept the bond out of pity. This was for the best, he wouldn't tell him.

Before he dies, he must pack. Thorin does not want him but he still needs him, well he needs a burglar. He will help the King regain his Kingdom. His soul bond reserved to get his home, become the King he was always meant to be. He must hurry and pack, the rejection has taken everything, might as well get ready for his last and only adventure.

Bilbo is quiet as a mouse, he gets his camping gear, to be more precise, his mother's camping gear. He gets her bow, arrows, small ax and traveling coat. His mother coat isn't going to fit him, he going to have to tailor it. He has all night to get everything he will need ready. He isn't tired, he has already been asleep for far too long. He gets his best traveling clothes, three of everything, shirt, trousers, waistcoat and underthings. His journal to document the journey, his progress with the fading. Ink, pens, scissors because you never know when you will need them. A comb, matches and rope. His mother always said take rope you never know when you needed it. Better having it and not needing it than needing it and not having it with him.

As he sorted thru his things he found his daggers. He almost forgot he had them. His cousin had gifted them to him when he came back from his own adventures. Had it been so long ago since he was planning his own adventure. An adventure he never had the chance to take, his parents death killing all his spirit. He sat on the bed just for a minute he tells himself. Looking around his room, this was his parents before he had taken it for his own. It took him ten years to move in this room, it was just too much pain in the beginning. Everything reminded him of what he's lost. 

He passes thru the hall, quietly, the dwarrows are sleeping all around his sitting room. Each are paired up, he thinks with their families. They look peaceful and happy. Have any of them found their soul bond? Are they traveling together? He shakes his head. He continues on, he looks for his soul bond. Is he still his soul bond, even if he's been rejected twice? He doesn't see the King, he must have taken a room. No point thinking about him, he had things to do.

He goes to look at his pantry, they had left nothing but crumbs. He sighs, good thing they hadn't found his other latter. He needs to get everything he will take for the trip. Bilbo starts to makes sandwiches, making sixteen packs full of food for them. He had wanted to hum as his mother had when ever she made him a pack full of food to take on his little adventures. He couldn't, he didn't want to wake the others but also his heart wasn't in it. He had stopped humming, singing and laughing three years ago. He just felt an ache, his heart is numb from the cold. 

He almost forgot, he needs to send a letter to his uncle. He will also write to Gamgee, leaving his loyal gardener the letters. He will be leaving soon, he can't leave Bag End without leaving his will. He isn't coming back, he won't survive the trip. Lobelia doesn't deserve to get his home. She saw the worst, making his life far more miserably. As if he didn't deserve Bag End and a soul bond. How right she was, his own soul bond wanted nothing from him. He writes to his uncle, the Thain first. He didn't know if he should write about finding his soul bond. Maybe he should, if never came back they would think he was with his other half and happy. Not dead from the fading.

Dear Uncle, 

I am going on an adventure. I have found my soul bond and will follow him to his home. Please do not worry about me. I am finally going to have an adventure as my mother did. I will not be alone, I will have my soul bond with me and Gandalf. If I don't come back don't blame Gandalf or my soul bond. I will be with the one I was always meant to be with. In this letter I send you my Will, I leave everything to Drogo Baggins. He will come of age in a year, when he dies he can have Bag End. For now can you feel with the estate, Gamgee will help you. Everything is in the Will. Don't tell anyone Drogo is getting everything. If he dies and does not leave an heir, everything should go to the aunt Rosa Took nee Baggins and her children, who ever is eldest can become heir to Bag End. Nothing and I mean absolutely nothing will go to Otho and Lobelia Sackville Baggins. I'm leaving Gamgee my key to Bag End, he is instructed to care for it until Drogo takes possession of it. He wished to court Primula Brandybuck. With Bag End he will impress her and have a place to take her after they wed. Take care of yourself and all my cousin's. Wish me well. I will be with my bonded.

With all my love,  
Bilbo Baggins of Bag End

He signed, he needed to write to Gamgee, he had always been loyal to him. He was going to his only friend.

Dear Old Friend,

I am leaving. I have found my soul bond, I will follow him in an adventure. I leave you a key to Bag End, you are in charge of it until Drogo Baggins take possession of it in a year. You and your family will remain as gardeners of Bag End indefinitely. I have let instructions in my Will, I ask you to send the letter to the Thain. Please can you keep Bag End in perfect condition for Drogo, I wish I could stay to do this but I must leave. I trust in you and will miss you greatly. The Thain is in charge of Bag End finance until Drogo comes of age. Keep all the food that will perish soon and restock anything Drogo might need before the year is out. The first pantry is completely empty. Please, keep this recipe book for you and Bell. I know she has always wanted my mother's secret seed cake recipe. Take care of yourself, give Bell and the faunts all my thanks.

Always your friend,  
Bilbo Baggins of Bag End 

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

During his packing, he had found the contract. Bilbo took a deep breath. When he signs this there was no going back, he would be part of the company, have to indore have Thorin so near but never by his side. Be reminded he was rejected by your one and only love. Watch the King from afar as other interacted with him and he ignored him. He was going even if the King didn't want him on this trip. He steadied himself, this was the moment he had been waiting for, going on an adventure. Signing his name, Bilbo Baggins. He felt a rush of relief and nausea. He looked at Thorin’s signature, running his finger thru the name. This was the closes he will ever be to him, touch where he had written his name. Since his only memory was a light far too short kiss. That meant more to him than all of Bag end.

Than he felt it, the shock had finally worn off, he was surprised he had evaded it for three years. He doubled over from the pain. His heart was completely frozen thru. His seed of love crumbled within him. Had his seed still been in his heart after three years, was he foolishly hoping his soul bond would come back saying he had been mistaken. Then all hope was gone, Thorin Oakenshield, his soul bond had rejected him not once by twice.

Bilbo was never so glad he was alone. He laid on the floor, feeling pain rippling thru his entire frame. He tried to keep still but he convulsed, wave after wave. He breathed heavily, trying to suck in as much air as he could. Was this what his mother felt? How she knew she had lost her husband. Why she let the wolves ripper her to shreds. Why he was left alone to fend for himself. She didn't care as he sat in the tree, crying out to her. He was never wanted by the other hobbits, why would they want him, his own mother had not wanted him enough to survive. Even more so now, he's been rejected, twice was far too many times. The one that was meant for you, the other half of your soul. The one that was guaranteed will never reject you. Had seen what all the others had, a worthless hobbit.

He couldn't focus on anything but the pain. One single thought came to mind: Death! What if he ended it. He will stop feeling everything. There really wasn't anyone that would miss him. He's always been alone. They wouldn't care, his, he wasn't really his, he had no right anymore, no, he never had the right. The King wasn't his, as he wasn't the King's no matter how much he wished to be. The King made it perfectly clear those years ago, he wasn't wanted. He was a rejected hobbit. Death was so much better. Kill himself now or wait until they leave but he may change his mind later.

Bilbo tried to shake off such dark thoughts. They did no good, he needed to get up. He couldn't prove Thorin right, he wasn't a weak hobbit. Killing himself will prove just that. He could still feel excruciating pain but he wouldn't, couldn't let this stop him. He was stronger than his pain, than his mother, he was strong enough to see the quest thru. He will live long enough to see the King regain his throne. His other half needed his home, even if it cost him his life.

Bilbo moved to stand, using the table as support, his legs felt shaky. He stood holding onto the table until he was sure his legs wouldn't betray him. His body shook from the cold, it had been a long time he felt any warmth. He had packed all he thought he would need, he just needed to make breakfast. He still had an hour or so before everyone was awake.

Somehow he had been able to walk towards the kitchen. He didn't let it show how much pain he was in, just in case anyone was awake. He ignored the pain, it will become a part of him, the constant agony, interweaved with each breath; Just as his grief. So this was how the fading began, he was lucky he had been in shock or he would have been dead long ago. The King needed a hobbit, he needed him even if he didn't realize it. 

He put on his coat, seems nothing could bring him warmth. He looked at his clock, it was an hour before dawn. He heard Thorin tell the others they will depart before sun up. Bilbo quietly made breakfast, cooking all the sausage, bacon and the few eggs he had. He made scones, buttermilk biscuits and French toast. He made coffee, orange juice and tea. He needed to have his tea, that's what he forgot to pack. He just wanted something that will give him comfort even if it was short. His tea helped warm him but only a little.

The dwarrows slowly showed up in his kitchen table, hungry as last night. Devouring everything inside. Bilbo was amazing, he didn't think the dwarrows had a hobbit appetite. He wasn't that hungry but knew he had to eat, this trip will starve him as they get farther away. He nibbled on a scone as he looked at the others. He couldn't remember all their names. He looked at Master Dwalin, he had been the first and the one that left an frightening impression. The dwarf was muscular with several tattoos on his head and arms. His hands were as big as his head, he could crush his skull without using much strength. He shuttered at the idea, that would be a bad end. If Thorin didn't want to kill him himself, he'd probably ask that dwarf.

Bilbo looked at the older dwarf, he looked friendly and kind. He had much better manners than the others, who kept throwing his food at each other. The one with the funny hat, he was kind in his own way. He was still angry with him for making him faint. Proving to Thorin he was a weak hobbit. No, it wasn't the dwarfs fault. No matter what he did, the King will always see him as weak. He couldn't be able to do anything that would change his mind even after three years.

If he died before they reached the mountain, would the King care? Will he fade. Do dwarrows even fade? Perhaps not. The King has not accepted the bond, he will live on and continue. Rule his home alongside his people. Marry some Princess, have her rule by his side. She will bear him heirs, be happy. He didn't have anything to offer, even if he had, Thorin didn't want him. Bilbo tried not to think of a future he was never going to be a part of.

******

Heart crushing pain is all he will feel.


End file.
